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Thursday, July 20, 2006 6:37 PM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 6.29pm

haiz.. i know i am a person who is lousy and un-understandable. basically, i suck. don't know exactly why someone will like me. for my immaturity? youth? cuteness? voice? tt sounds like i am vulnerable to other gals winning you from me. other gals who are younger. more immature. prettier. cuter. less sucky. but what can i do? snatch you away from them? sometimes i wonder, if you fall for someone else, what will be my reaction? cry like i always do. or worse. i don't wanna think about it.

i don't know how to express my love for you. i love you so much... so much that i think of you every minute, every second, every time. so much that i have become delirious. that i can neglect my studies. that i can crazily smile to myself when i think of you. get lost in your voice. the charming laughter. everything about you.

well, i just don't say it, but sometimes i imagine myself in your arms, locked in lips with you, hands warmed up by you, even living with you forever. and i don't like telling people about this. i don't like people calling me a despo. but you can call me that now. coz i know i am one. wow i am a despo.

because it is you, i don't mind being a retard. i don't mind being called a noob. i don't mind you laughing at me. because it is you. do you think someone will enjoy being called a noob or retard? i obviously also like people calling me smart or something similar. But because of you, i don't mind. I enjoy being a retard, because at least you will rmb me, as a retard. and to me, tts enough. once you are happy, i am.

sometimes, you always try to say things to make me feel jealous. probably to test me. i don't exactly tell you that i am jealous. i always say my fave phrase "er.... hm." or something. whenever you tell me about other gals, i get all uptight and worried. afraid that you might fall for them. afraid of losing you. but i should think more positively. you tell me because you want me to know. you don't want to deceive me in any way. i understand. i will.

i think too much. you wanna name your child Rui Qi. is it because it's WR + WQ = RQ? LOL. i hate myself. for thinking too much. WOW. tsk. i hate myself.

i always receive your calls. i seem to appear very free, probably i am not. i just place you in higher priority. i thought that i can always pia after you sleep. i must treasure my time with you. even if it means lack of sleep. now my dark circles and eye bags are appearing. i look horrid.

come on, it's not that you are insensitive. i am the one, counting the number of times i hurt you. at least you say it out. i don't. i suck. hm. i wonder, how can you be so open about ur feelings? why am i always unable to do the same? why am i constantly hurting you? unable to give you what you want.. i suck.

in conclusion: i suck. because i love you.

*skykohwc*;

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