From : Yan Tian
Sent : Tuesday, July 4, 2006 1:00 AM
To : skykohwc@hotmail.com
Subject : letter 3


do you know why i don't like to say last words? i don't want to make you or myself fall deeper again.. and thus i promised myself not to say them, because i know it's best for us not to fall so deep again and experience the agony once more...

sometimes i do say them, which makes you happy, but i am disappointed with myself for breaking the promise i made to myself. and when i don't, you will be sad, and this breaks my heart. but i am still contented about the fact that i managed to keep my promise with myself. both ways i will be sad, but i've got to make a choice. the correct one. fast. but sometimes i wonder, is what i am doing now right? should i extinguish this flame of passion once and for all and hurt you, rekindling it back 4.5 years later? or should i continue with this passion which i know is at the wrong time, but not hurt you?

please try to understand me. the fact that i dun say last words is not because i don't mean what i say, but because i have made this promise with myself, and i don't intend to break it. i'm not letting my heart rule over my head.

i know you don't trust me. i must admit i sometimes also do not trust you. the only way for me to trust you is that i am certain that you will not break the promise; the only way for you to trust me to to be certain that i will not break the promise. so... yea. i'll rather we act like siblings for now... and 4.5 years later get together. then suffer the fate of everyone disagreeing with our relationship. coz in this way, we'll also be sad. but i think in the former, we'll at least be reassured of our stand. and probably get hurt for a shorter time. i will surely want a relationship where everyone supports our relationship then like now.

yupp. have a nice day. :)

- yantian